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Alternate Quotes

By David Flin

He's not going to be amused, is he.

It all started with a joke. Someone (I forget who) quoted Churchill’s famous comment about blood, sweat, toil and tears, and then placed it in an unexpected and humorous context. This then led to a contest of putting quotes in a different context, which should be meat and drink to any alternate historian.

Which is all the excuse I needed to put this little thing together; a list of quotes and an alternate context. I trust it amuses.

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.

Winston Churchill opening his bag on Ready, Steady, Cook.

A contestant on Ready, Steady, Cook.

Picture courtesy Wikimedia Commons.

I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and a King of England too.

Elizabeth I opening her bag on Ready, Steady, Cook.

I really do not see the signal.

Admiral Nelson failing his annual eye test.

Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.


Ask not what country and western can do for you; ask what you can do for country and western.

President Dolly Parton.

Alimentary, my dear Holmes.

Dr Watson, on being asked what the medical term for a digestive system is.

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

Personal trainer Thomas Edison.

I have a dream that one day my four little children will one day live in a country where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character.

Martin Luther King, father of Twinky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po.

Po, Laa-Laa, Dipsy, and Twinky Luther King.

Picture courtesy BBC.

Not all who wander are lost.

Lt JRR Tolkien, holding a map upside down.

Speak softly and carry a big stick.

Babe Ruth.

To err is human. And to um, to ahh, and to hmmm.

Alexander Pope, speech therapist.

I am sure the inventive minds of the many readers can add more.

Comment on this article Here.

David Flin is editor of the anthology Ten Years Later, where all proceeds go to help build Ukraine, the author of the AH series Building Jerusalem and Six East End Boys, and the owner of Sergeant Frosty Publications.


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