Vignette: Work Means Work
- cepmurphywrites
- 22 hours ago
- 4 min read
By Charles EP Murphy.
On the Sea Lion Press Forums, we run a monthly Vignette Challenge. Contributors are invited to write short stories on a specific theme (changed monthly).
The theme for the 86th contest was Workers.
Right. This was going to be the tricky bit. Gene Narvy was going to have to:
A) Land his jumping dropkick on Paul Plunder perfectly
B) Not look to make sure his partner Tommy Frank had landed his one perfectly, by which he meant Tommy had "botched" the kick and landed short of Peter Loot
C) Look just in time, as if going "hey, what's going on--?", to see the "botch" had happened but not with enough time to react before Peter Loot kicked him in the face.
It all had to be timed precisely, both by him and Peter and Tommy and Paul, to work. If it did work, everyone in this gym and everyone watching on Channel 5 would think Tommy Frank had just screwed up their finisher, turning the 'Ard Boys hard-fought victory against Loot & Plunder into a sudden defeat. Smarks would think Peter - and this was another tricky bit, he was a lovely chap but this was expecting him to pull off realistic acting - was now going, 'uh oh, I need to "take advantage" of this to cover up a mistake', and was now ad-libbing an attempted pin on Gene Narvy to spin the match out. Then, Gene had to make sure he kicked out "a second too late", like he'd realised too late they were improvising and what the improvisation was. And then, "going off-script".
Everything had to go precisely right for this to work. All-Union Wrestling was nineteen episodes in and the ratings were constantly on the verge of going from Mediocre to Cancel. Only so many people wanted to watch British wrestling when they could watch WWE (or, more likely, something that wasn't wrestling). AUW had turned their low budget into a virtue by kayfabing that this was all some scrappy indie promotion doing gyms and pubs and working-men's clubs that 'just so happened' to be filmed but that only went so far. They needed some real heat to keep on.
Right now, less than a year after the EU referendum, politics had that heat.
Time to kick.
The crowd - over a hundred fans ready to stand out of their seats and make some noise - cheered as the 'Ard Boys launched off the mat and kicked out at Loot & Plunder, and groaned "OH!" as Tommy "botched". One guy yelled "HOW DID YOU MISS THAT?!", and thank you, whoever that was, because Gene could work with that. He turned round, "confused", as if he was responding to that cry, saw Tommy, and then "looked panicked" as Peter Loot pinned him. Shelly the ref slammed down to the floor to join them, bashing down her hand for the one, the two--
Aaaaaand---
"THREE!" the split second before he broke the hold. Ding goes the bell, "BOOOOOOOO" goes the audience, "YOU BOTCHED UP!" chanted three fans at the front.
"THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH... LOOT & PLUNDER!"
"BOOO!" / "YOU BOTCHED UP!" / Plan B's iLL Manor starts playing the heels out
Okay, get angry, you were meant to win, this was the a four-week story that was meant to end with you winning and going into the three-way match for the Tag Team Championship, and Tommy Frank screwed up the finisher and made you look bad--
Gene got up and shoved his partner "for real" (and for real, they'd deliberately not planned some of what he'd do so it would catch Tommy out). Shelly "suddenly" pushed between them, muttering, "wait until you're backstage," which the live audience wouldn't pick up but the smarks watching Channel 5 at home would and then discuss on the forums and Twitter.
"Try paying more attention to your training instead of tweeting about Brexit!" he spat out fast, like he'd "lost it" - then "look like he made a mistake", wait for Tommy to look "upset", and then turn away.
And out of the ring, ignoring the fans - "did he just say--?" "Oh no...!" - and the one guy yelling "Remain won it!" to the tune of a chiming clock.
Tommy had been getting some grief online (and from some pundit in the Sun) for tweeting pro-Remain stuff when He Should Be Wrestling, and a lot of the Leave voters were disgruntled about having lost the referendum, so there was the angle they'd worked out with AUW: the 'Ard Boys break up because Gene, who was vaguely known to be pro-Leave, let his temper boil over after a "botched" match wrecks their career.
The original plan was that after they'd lost the Tag Team Championship (the Roadmen were going to retain the belt), he was going to be "out with an injury" so he could go on holiday to Portugal. Now he'd be "suspended" next week after "shooting" on his partner in an "unscheduled" fight next week. He'd do a run as a 'tweener, someone that AUW was doing down for getting frustrated, and a grudge match would have him accidentally "hurt" Tommy when it was time for the guy to start paternity leave. Based on audience reaction, Gene would either stay a 'tween, go heel, or be "shocked" and make a climb back into being a face.
By then, even the markiest of marks would have guessed this match had been a work but this would have people buzzing "are we being worked? Was that real?" and turning post-Brexit politics into wrestling arguments for at least a week. And hopefully that'd give the ratings a good kick.
Gene loved wrestling.
Charles EP Murphy is an author who, among other works, wrote the books Chamberlain Resigns, and other things that did not happen and Comics of Infinite Earths for Sea Lion.