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Alternate Namesakes

By No-One Important

And, once you have read the article, you'll know the game and can come up with an explanation connecting these two people. A round of applause for the best tale.

Picture courtesy Sergeant Frosty.

You know how it is when you see a name and you remember that name from another context? You must remember that very old joke about the Marx Brothers – Groucho, Chico, Harpo, and the one that everyone forgets, Karl. The images that such juxtapositions can create can be entertaining.


Which is all you are going to get in the way of introduction to this unashamed filler. This is my top ten list of namesakes it would be amusing (possibly) to consider combining roles in some alternate reality.



Douglas Adams/Gerry Adams

The author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Unification of Ireland, Douglas Gerry Adams infused his radio and TV scripts with diatribes against the iniquities of the British state in Northern Ireland.

Douglas Gerry Adams

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Denzel Washington/George Washington.

The first President of the United States was lost at sea and frozen into an iceberg (as later was to happen to Steve Rogers). Many years later, and after being changed in appearance by the iceberg, he was discovered, recovered, and thawed out. In a reverse Ronald Reagan, Washington became an actor, and quite a popular one at that.

Denzel George Washington

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Eric Blair/Tony Blair.

The author Eric Tony Blair, better known by his pen name, George Orwell, was politically minded, although pinning down his precise political stance was generally challenging. Pro-Socialist, anti-Socialist, you could find whatever you wanted in his writings. When he moved into politics, he proved to be equally adept at turning a phrase into a catchphrase, and equally hard to pin down as to where he stood on the political spectrum, still being a Socialist with strong anti-Socialist views. His stint as Prime Minister remains a subject of debate.

Eric Tony Blair

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Samuel Johnson/Boris Johnson.

Samuel Boris Johnson famously kept a diary in which he said many things, such as: “Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful.” When he became Prime Minister, he was criticised for many things: laziness, dishonesty, lack of attention to detail, lack of empathy with those outside his social circle, and many other things. Including a lack of integrity.


His time as Prime Minister was marked with chaos and corruption. But he wrote some interesting memoirs and gave well-attended talks about that time.

Samuel Boris Johnson.

Disturbing pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Keith Miller/Frank Miller

Keith Frank Miller. What a gloriously entertaining cricketer, who bowled and batted with zestful enthusiasm and seemingly without a care in the world. But then, he’d been a fighter pilot with the RAF during WW2, and he explained his philosophy during an interview. “There’s no pressure in cricket. Cricket is a game. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse.”


When he got older and his reflexes started to go such that he couldn’t play at the highest level, he turned to something else. Specifically, he turned his hobby of sketching into first cartoons and then comic books. As the years passed, his fairly straightforward cricket adventures became more and more surreal and increasingly problematic.

Keith Frank Miller

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


General Mike Jackson/Michael Jackson.

Michael Mike Jackson started off as an officer in the British Army. He found fame – and infamy – at Pristina during the Bosnian Intervention. He had been ordered by the Allied Commander, the American General Wesley Clark, to block the runway at Pristina airport to prevent the Russians flying in reinforcements, reportedly saying: “I’m not going to start WW3 for you.” For this, he was praised by the British media, criticised by the American press and military, and became a divisive figure.


The Prime Minister, Tony Blair, had to choose between supporting his general or agreeing with the Americans. Naturally, Blair chose the Americans, and Mike Jackson was persuaded to leave the Army.


Gathering a group of disgruntled ex-soldiers, Jackson did exactly what one might expect a discarded general to do. He formed a rock band, which became surprisingly successful. Totally unsurprisingly, it was quite political, with Views about Tony Blair.

General Michael Jackson

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Louis Armstrong/Neil Armstrong

Louis Neil Armstrong – a brilliant jazz musician with a rasping voice. A genius on the trumpet. It was initially called Tokenism when he went onto the roster of potential astronauts for the Apollo programme. He was a natural, and ended up on the Apollo 11 mission.


And when he stepped onto the Moon and spoke about seeing Earth, he made the immortal comment: “I see seas of blue, white clouds too. And I think to myself, what a wonderful Earth.”

Louis Neil Armstrong. Was Walking On The Moon one of his?

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Ramon Wilson/Harold Wilson

Ramon Harold Wilson was the left back in the famous and great 1966 England World Cup winning team. He first played for Huddersfield, and then Everton, and played many internationals for England. The highlight of his playing career was the 1966 World Cup, where he was an ever-present player in the team throughout the entire tournament.


After his playing career was over, he almost drifted into football management, but was persuaded to stand as a Labour MP for his hometown of Huddersfield (he remains, to this day, Huddersfield Town’s most capped international player). Shortly after, the Labour Party was hit by a number of scandals that tranished quite a few leading figures. One by one, potential leaders were eliminated from consideration by scandal, ill-health, or considered controversial by one faction or another.


In due course, the deputy leadership became vacant at a time when the Labour Party was locked in a political civil war (more so than usual). Wilson was put forward as a compromise candidate, and somehow won.


In due course, Labour won a General Election, and Wilson became Deputy Prime Minister. Then, a year later, Prime Minister Barbara Castle (Britain’s first woman Prime Minister) died, and the World Cup winner became Prime Minister. And the rest was history.

Ramon Harold Wilson. World Cup Winner and Prime Minister. But not at the same time.

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Brian May/Theresa May

The lead guitarist of the popular music group known as Queen led by Freddy Mercury, Brian May was involved in some weird – and sometimes not always legal – activities. The death of Freddy Mercury had a traumatic effect on Brian, and he underwent a dramatic change.


He changed in every single respect: from being mainly disinterested in politics with a slight left-leaning bias to being firmly on the right; from flamboyance to being bland; losing a sense of rhythm; gave up the proclivity for substances outwith the law; did nothing more dramatic than hiking; and from writing lyrics to having words written for them.


And people voted for Brian Theresa May because they liked the music from the Queen days. Well, they got what they voted for, but it wasn’t what they expected.

Brian Theresa May. Worked for the Queen.

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Elizabeth Windsor/Barbara Windsor.

We’ve all wondered at some time: since the British Royal Family is treated as a soap opera by the media, what would it be like if that were actually true?


At first, I wondered who would play the late Queen, the centre of the Firm. No-one seemed right.


Then I realised I was looking at this the wrong way round. I should be considering which soap opera the Queen would be most suitable for, and which character she could play. From there it was easy: diminutive, an infectious dirty giggle, considerable presence, possessiveness over her property – she was a shoe-in to replace Barbara Windsor as landlady of the Queen Vic in Eastenders.

A woman in uniform.

Pictures courtesy Wikimedia Commons.

And that was all I needed to draft a little vignette based on that premise. Which I will present the next time I need a filler article. You have been warned.


Discuss this article Here.


David Flin obviously has too much time on his hands, because he’s been a prolific author, as can be seen Here.





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