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Alternate Quotes

By David Flin


The Editor is In. That pile of work to his left is disturbingly small. He's getting worried.



When the Editor gets involved in this article writing malarkey, that can only mean one thing.

 

Filler.


Quick filler.

 

The holiday season has played Hell with my stockpile of ready articles, and you were warned that if my stockpile slipped below sustainable levels, I’d start writing. You only have yourselves to blame for what follows. To avoid this in the future, I'd suggest you get your quills and parchment busy.

 

I have been pondering certain well-known quotes, and how they might be different in an AH. I started to play a game: words, speaker, situation. Two out of three must stay the same.

 

For example:

 

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.

Winston Churchill, presenting the ingredients he has brought to the cooking programme Ready, Steady, Cook.


Never, in the field of culinary endeavour, has so much been served by so many to so few.

Picture courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


I have the body of a feeble woman, but I have the heart and soul of a King of England.

Elizabeth I, presenting the ingredients she brought to Ready, Steady, Cook.

 

Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Lazarus.

 

Alimentary, my dear Holmes.

Dr Watson, on being asked what the medical term for a digestive system was.

 

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

Thomas Edison, Personal Trainer.

 

Speak softly and carry a big stick.

Babe Ruth explaining the source of his sporting success.


Babe Ruth and his big stick.

Picture courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


Not all those who wander are lost.

Lt JRR Tolkien, failing his map-reading exam. Again.

 

Ask not what country and western can do for you; ask what you can do for country and western.

US President Dolly Parton.

 

Houston, we have a problem.

George Lucas to Whitney Houston after auditioning for the role of Princess Leia.

 

They think it’s all over. It is now.

President Reagan deciding to press the button when the Cold War went hot.


"They think it's all over."

Picture courtesy Wikimedia Commons.


It’s one small step for Man.

The first amphibian to venture onto soil.

 

A country for fit heroes to live in.

David Lloyd-George, exhorting the population to undertake physical training to reduce pressure on the NHS.


Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

Mohammed Ali, biology teacher.


I’m sure imaginative readers can add to the list.

 

Like I say: unashamed filler.

 

Discuss this “article” Here.

 

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