Vignette: Catch That Villain
- 3 hours ago
- 2 min read
By Charles E.P. Murphy
"Chamberlaaaaiiiiin!"
King Arthur strode through Commons like judgement, his face pale as the grave, his sword rusted and stained with the blood of Britain's enemies, his finger accusing the man at the bench.
"You were warned that a pointless war with our Germanic brethren would bring the nation to ruin! Now--"
His sword swung and the Prime Minister...
...ran away on all four legs barking.
"Eh....?"
And the four MPs on either side of Arthur suddenly yanked up the brand new carpet, bundling the once and future king up. Behind them, "Nye Bevan" took off his wig and makeup to reveal the real Chamberlain.
When MI5 had recommended four Home Counties schoolchildren and a dog, saying the five were quite famous at cracking strange cases, the Prime Minister thought they were joking.
"We suspected this blighter couldn't be the real King Arthur," said the lead detective, sipping a ginger beer. "Every time King Arthur 'disappeared in a puff of smoke', he was standing near the staff entrance and exits, which no MP or Lord knew about! All we had to do is stop him getting to it." "It was still jolly scary," said one of the girls, "but now we can see who this 'King Arthur' rotter really is!"
They wiped off the makeup and Chamberlain gasped: "William Joyce!"
"That's right, you fool, and I almost scared you off from declaring war over Poland! HAW, HAW!" Joyce spat at his captors. "And Germany would have triumphed if not for you meddlers!"
"This all makes perfect sense," said Chamberlain, "though I don't understand why he also stole my lunch earlier."
"Rurrr... yeah, rat was Rord Raw-Raw too. Reeeheeheehee!"